Donald Trump deserves to be president. More than any of the current candidates — although not to their exclusion — he is the best choice to lead this nation.

This intro has all the rhetorical flourish and catchiness of Ralphie’s theme on a Red Ryder’s Christmas gift superiority to a football. We’re not off to a snappy start.

This is not an easy position to hold in DC. Having already lost friends of multiple years

An “intellectual argument” should not delve this deep into Butthurt Canyon by the third sentence.

and having been subjected to practically every hysterical insult you expect people to stop using at the age of 15,

An “intellectual argument” should also not express pained disappointment and exasperation with timeless human nature by the third sentence.

I think it’s safe to say that the social pressure so many #NeverTrump people want to bring to bear on Trump supporters has materialized.

#NeverTrump has been around for a month or so. If you’ve lost friends over hashtag-generated social pressure brought to bear in under a month, I’m going to go out on a limb and speculate it’s not #NeverTrump that’s your problem. Also note that the susceptibility to social pressure is an indicator of a nonexistent or tenuous grasp on one’s principles, and that blaming social pressure is the hallmark of either a child, or a grievance culture. I’m not sure which I’m dealing with yet, so let’s move on.

Speaking for those same Trump supporters, I also would say that it only hardens our opinions.

The author is somehow collectively attuned enough to the mindset of millions of Trump supporters to speak for them (remember this point), but can only venture a parsing “I also would say”. Let me add that while I am not speaking for the #NeverTrump movement, I’m fully aware your opinions are locked in, have been so for quite some time, and I’m largely ambivalent to the fact. My opposition to Trump has absolutely nothing to do with trying to change your mind. Jot that down.

I have never been so certain of anything as I am now that Trump is the one man who could deliver on a promise to make not just America, but the Republican Party, great again.

I don’t know the author’s precise age, but extrapolating from his biography I’m pegging him in his mid-twenties. When I was in my mid-twenties I was never so certain of anything as I was then that my idea for a foot-operated keg pump was my golden ticket to the life of luxury.

However, I owe those railing against me an answer to this question: “Why?”

Who told you this? Two paragraphs ago you were railing against social pressure, now you earnestly assert that you owe us something. Your tone is already wildly inconsistent and we’re not even off the first page yet.

It’s a valid question, even if those asking it often do so because of bigoted and incorrect assumptions about Trump supporters.

Questioning your political viewpoint is couched as “bigoted and incorrect assumptions”. Uh oh. This is starting to feel familiar.

Some of our detractors think we’re all old, stupid, kneejerk reactionaries with poor bank accounts

“Poor” in this sense refers to a financial state of poverty, and as such is an adjective reserved for humans. A bank account, as a physical entity, lacks the capacity to be impoverished. More proper descriptors would have been “meager”, “single-digit”, or “overdrawn”. I’m sorry to hash out grammar semantics, but you did title your piece “An Intellectual Argument”.

and even poorer educations,

How can an education be poorer than a bank account? These are two items which have no common characteristics for comparison.

not to mention total bankruptcy in the realm of conservative principle, if we even knew conservative principles existed.

I guess we’re going for a Wall Street theme, or something. Next time just write “People think we have a chip on our shoulder”. Ironically, it’s incoherent and run-on sentences like this one that do indeed make people think you have a chip on your shoulder. Anyway, I’ll let you get back to erecting the strawman.

Others think we’re simply unaccomplished, cynical opportunists trying to introduce toxic white identity politics (or worse, white nationalism) into the GOP to feather our own nests while destroying the party.

I don’t know where anyone reading a piece titled “Why The White Nationalist Support” would get the idea you’re trying to introduce white nationalism into the GOP. Truly unfair.

Also, you’re drawing a curious distinction between “toxic white identity politics” and “white nationalism”, as if they’re somehow remarkably different.

I’m Not the Trump Caricature You Think I Am

For me, nothing could be further from the truth.

I’d never heard of you until a day ago. I don’t think anything of you beyond what I’ve read so far, which, admittedly, is…not good. Your feelings of caricaturization may stem from insecurity, inadequacy, or possibly the fact that you support a candidate who regularly caricatures you. If you’re trying to create empathy for your position, don’t hold the audience accountable for crimes against your ego.

I am young, financially secure, and graduated from one of America’s elite liberal arts colleges with strong academic distinctions thanks to a senior thesis attempting to reconstruct Frank Meyer’s fusionism post-George W. Bush.

The feelings of insecurity I was detecting? They’re beginning to make more sense now. Nothing got me more action in college than my famous bar trick attempting to reconstruct Frank Meyer’s fusionism post-George W. Bush.

I once vocally supported the Gang of Eight immigration bill, and my employers since leaving college have included National Review, the Senate GOP leadership, the Washington Times, Glenn Beck, and former Republican Party Web Director and anti-Trump gadfly Liz Mair, none of whom could be accused of being either fringe or unprincipled.

Glenn Beck recently went on a hunger strike over politics and periodically confuses himself with Moses. He’s hardly mainstream and it’s concerning that you don’t seem to know this. Also concerning: the continued pains you’re taking to establish that you personally should be held at an arm’s length from any unsavory elements you might go on to describe later in the piece.

My resume needs no help, and without going into detail, it would probably be far better for me from a career standpoint if I had backed Ted Cruz this entire time.

We get it, man. You’re bourgeois. You’re not one of the rabble. You’re not one of <checks over shoulders to make sure no one’s around> them. (But you are speaking for them, as you told us earlier.)

However, deciding who to support for president isn’t about me. It’s about what’s best for the country and for the Republican Party. Trump is both.

Well, at least we’re done talking about you, finally.

How can I say that? I could make the standard boilerplate argument about qualifications for the job.

But you won’t, right?

After all, Trump is probably the most accomplished man in recent history to make a run at the presidency.

Sigh.

He has built an international business empire that is instantly identifiable.

You could also be describing Enron.

Furthermore, unlike Mitt Romney, whose business experience was arguably difficult to transfer into the realm of politics, the specific type of business Trump does has required him to work with everyone from local politicians to foreign heads of state in order to succeed.

Mitt Romney’s business experience was not difficult to transfer into the realm of politics, as he was elected governor of Massachusetts.

The man knows his way around finessing politicians probably as much as some diplomats do, and, given the president’s responsibility to represent America to the world, this experience is invaluable.

If we’re calling these qualifications for the presidency, every Beltway insider and lobbyist has a stake to the job. In fact, by your own admission, he’s only “probably” as competent. Reassuring!

Furthermore, Trump’s capacity to adopt the posture of a strongman is an asset in dealing with illiberal foreign regimes, which generally view the heads of Western liberal democracies as easy dupes and empty suits. Trump’s presentational style is a type of politician they recognize, and I daresay one they will respect more easily.

He melted down on Twitter and national television because a girl touched him.

Or, I could talk about Trump’s great personal virtues.

You could what now?

Yes, I said personal virtues. For while it has become de rigeur among conservatives to sneer at Trump as a man who personifies the opposite of family values, I submit that the evidence of Trump’s character as a family man and father is not only irrefutable: it literally stands beside him every time he wins a primary.

Oh, no. Don’t do that to yourself.

I’m talking, of course, about Ivanka, Eric, and Donald Jr. Any parent who had raised even one child to turn out as well as any of those three adults would have cause to beam with pride. To have raised all three is simply mind-boggling.

My grandparents raised a dozen incredible children without the benefit of wealth and privilege. So did most Americans’ grandparents. Not to minimize the accomplishment, but it’s what you’re supposed to do. “Meets expectations” should not be held up as the new gold standard. Perhaps your mind is easily boggled. Please also note there’s a fourth child, Tiffany, who was raised independently by Marla Maples.

Also, here’s how family man Trump treated his infant nephew. An infant. I cannot emphasize this enough. An infant.

Whatever Trump’s flaws as a spouse — and to be sure, they exist — we should all be so lucky as to have a father like him. In fact, one of the filthiest and most transparently dishonest memes to have emerged from this election is the image of Trump as a leering incestuous molester because of some (admittedly cringe-worthy) comments he made about Ivanka. However, if Trump was crawling into his daughter’s bed to molest her, let’s just say Ivanka doesn’t seem to have noticed and leave this disgusting smear in the trash where it belongs.

Hey man, you brought it up. Which is more than a little weird, actually.

The First Part of the Intellectual Case for Donald Trump

OH MY GOD WE WEREN’T EVEN TO THE FIRST PART YET???

For the sake of my sanity, and the sanity of any readers who made it this far, we’ll take a break here. To be continued in Part II — White Nationalist Deconstruction Boogaloo

Source material: http://thefederalist.com/2016/03/30/the-intellectual-case-for-trump-i-why-the-white-nationalist-support/